John Paul II

For my birthday I asked for the book of daily thoughts, Love is the Explanation for Everything.  Hidden inside (I didn't know until I was skimming through it), there is a meditation for cyclists.

"The pursuit of sports always reminds us of the ideals of human and Christian virtues, which not only contribute to physical and mental training, but promote and encourage strength and moral and spiritual greatness.  Sports are a school for loyalty, courage, tolerance, will power, solidarity, and team spirit.  All of these natural virtues are, frequently, the foundation upon which other supernatural virtues are consolidated.


In your lives as professional cyclists and in your family and social responsibilities, do not forget to put into practice that series of small and great acts of self-control, simplicity, honesty and respect for others that are in the arena of sports.  Shun all that disloyalty, deceit, and cheating because that degrades your profession and diminished you in the eyes of God."


Speech to the Spanish Cycling Team
June 10, 1985

In researching this statement, I found the John Paul II Foundation for Sport.  As always JPII never fails to disappoint.

Training Camp and my Full Cup

This past week I was supposed to train for a week in San Diego with two members of the National team.  Unfortunately, on Saturday I woke up sick.  I thought I was better on Monday and headed down to San Diego.  Not so much.  The ride on Tuesday was not so good.  I'm not good at climbing - we know this.  I probably carry a few extra pounds for a climber and my legs just don't have the gusto (yet) to climb for very long.  I wasn't holding down any calories and even water wasn't staying down.  But I finished the four hour ride.  On Wednesday, we were supposed to ride with a large group of "normal" people. I made it to the start point, barely.  Then on the first hill coach told me that I was done and needed to go home.

Now, for those of you who know me in "real life," I don't handle being told that I can't or shouldn't do something.  So I cried for the next ten miles, then started to push it a little bit and started throwing up again.  At the end of the ride, Coach told me again that I needed to go home and get better.  In my mind, I was being a quitter. I don't quit. If I said I was going to do something - then for the love of all that is good and Holy - I am going to do it.  I was mad, disappointed and my feelings were hurt that he didn't think I could do it.

But I headed home and slept for most of Thursday and Friday.  I rode a little on Friday and then I did a three hour ride today.  I guess I was a little sick and it probably was the best decision to rest.  I'm still not happy about that decision.  I wanted to learn from the people I was riding with.  Just in the two days that I rode with them, I learned so much - just by watching what gears they rode in, what they ate; mostly stuff that is common sense to people who have been racing for years.  But not to me.

Today, in mass, Msgr told a story about a professor and a master.  The professor asked the master how he could be happy in life.  The master got up and made some tea.  He brought the tea pot over and began to pour the tea into the professor's cup.  He kept pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring.  The cup began to overflow.  Then the tea began to cascade down the table.  At some point, the professor asked the master what on earth he was doing!  The master replied that we are all like the cup - we are filled with "stuff."  We are filled with our opinions and thoughts and judgments.  Until we learn to empty ourselves of all of that, we can't be filled with the knowledge of others.

This story meant a lot to me because I was really mad that I got sent home. I COULD have trained all week.  I know I could have pushed through. And in my mind, that was the right thing to do.  But I didn't stop to think that maybe Coach knows more than I do - and he does. I was so full of my own thoughts and ideas about the week I wasn't able to see what was happening to my own body, listen to someone else and do the right thing.  Thankfully, I trust my coach enough to realize that he does more than me and I listened.  Not before I made a big fool of myself by throwing a temper tantrum and being all grumpy for a few days.

Wise Words

“I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”  
 Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Things have gotten real really quickly. I am starting to worry about money and health insurance and whether at almost 32 years old I want to start this endeavor. This seems like an incredibly selfish endeavor and one that I am risking a lot to pursue. This quote caught my attention at first because I don't feel like I am giving back what God has given me.

But then I remind myself that very few people in the world get to compete in the World Championships, even the National Championships, and maybe the Paralypmics. How can I pass up that opportunity? If I truly believe that God will take care of me and he created this world for us to seize and experience, then how can I say no? How can I do anything but put on my shoes and try my hardest? And who is to say that, despite my constant protests that I AM not an inspiration, there isn't someone that will not listen to the can'ts of having physical limitations and instead see the blessings and experiences that those limitations can bring?

A lot of things "happened" on the way to Nationals

Road Nationals - June 2011

I was reading the book, Outliers, and there is a chapter about how people like to believe that a certain few people have exceptional talent, etc that help them rise to the top (like Bill Gates or Steve Jobs).  The point of the chapter was that 10,000 hours seems to be the magic number that people practice something to be really really really "good" at it.   But the other point of the chapter is that all of those people had "random" things happen to them along the way that helped them get to where they are.  For example, Gates lived near UW that was one of the only universities to have a reprogrammable computer and his parents moved him to a school (without knowing)where the parents raised money specifically to support time for HS students at UW and someone he worked with there happened to know someone at Northrup G that needed a cheap summer intern.

Next week is a long shot...and I'm far from 10,000 hours....BUT I happened to randomly get picked to be the only athlete that Super Blind has ever roomed with and she happened to have just put her guide dog to sleep which gave us an extra bond. She has been a real source of encouragement and friendship. And I picked Coach because I liked him and he happens to actually specialize in track.  And I happen to live super close to ADT.  And I happened to find that track bike in my size that I could use my gimpy charm to get at a good price.  .....that's a lot of "happened"s!!!!!!!

       My new track bike, Zoey

I am trying to remind myself that next week doesn't define who I am or my self-worth (reminded daily by Gramps), but I do want to do well.  I've trained hard.  I could be a few pounds lighter.  I could have lifted a little harder.  But overall, I don't think there is much I could have done, at this point in the game, to make myself go any faster.