Sunday, August 12, 2012

On being...what I am

I'm not always sure how to address the issue of being "disabled." Since I had GBS when I was two, I don't really know the difference.  For at least 28 years I pretended that nothing was wrong.  Sure, I wore AFO's and walked funny, but I was just like every one else.

It seems ironic, in my mind, that it took hanging out with a bunch of crippled people to figure out that I actually AM different from everyone else.  This is the best part of being part of the National Team. Even better than the awesome kits.  I finally realized that there are people "like me."

"But you don't look disabled."
"You got beat by someone with ONE leg?"
"You're tired?  You never go out!"

Why, yes! To all of the above.  I can fake being normal pretty well, but the bottom line is I'm not playing with a full deck and it's about time I give myself some credit for that.

The most difficult concession I've made is that I'm tired. All. The. Time. And it's not necessarily my fault. It's part of who I am.  I can't expect myself to "keep up with the __________'s."  Today, I spent 2 hours cooking food for the week and I'm exhausted.  I want to finish cleaning my house, have all of my laundry folded and organized by color, iron all of my clothes that I just washed, lay out all of my clothes for the week and then go to church, be social and support the friend who needs help.  But I can't.  I'm exhausted.

So instead of pushing the limits, I'm going to rest.  The mess will be here tomorrow.  And hopefully so will I!

Sunday, August 5, 2012

The Travels

Some days, you wake up and you are happy. Today is one of those days. I wish that I could bottle up whatever it is happened while I was sleeping and save it for the "other" days.

A lot of things have happened in my life. Some things I am not so proud of, others I relive every day.  There was a time in my life when I thought I needed a day, year, five year and overall life plan.  I'm not sure that's the way anymore.  It is most often the things that I had no idea I was going to do that have changed me for the best. It is the people I never expected to be important to me, the activities I never dreamed I'd participate in and the feelings I didn't expect that have made all the difference. Most of all the things that I was most afraid to do and was convinced for some reason or another were not "good" for me, are the things that have clearly defined some of the greatest moments in my life.