Sunday, February 17, 2013

One Day at a Time

I tend to get caught up in the every day things and let them convince me that I "can't do X."  Whatever X may be.

When I first started this post, I intended to go through all of the X's that stop me - or that I perceive stop me.  But really, what good does that do?  Part of my new training mentality is to only look at the task at hand. Don't let fear of the fallout of your current effort affect the current effort. So I stopped.  I don't want to see the things that will stop me.  I want to see the reasons why I can.

Today I have a 4 hour ride, including Latigo Canyon.  It's only four hours.  I will live in the day.  I will do my best on THIS ride, not worry about tomorrow and finish stronger than I started.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Choose Love

I woke up this morning and realized that my life is about to significantly change.  I turned in the letter to terminate my lease for my apartment.  I told my boss that I am going to take a leave of absence. I fired the coach that I started with and who helped me get to where I am now.  I hired a new coach who seems to have a lot of things that I need in order to take me to the next level.

I have learned so much over the past year.  Going into to Track Worlds I had NO idea what I was doing.  I thought I could win races just by riding my bike.  Road Nationals, well let's not go there.  I had some down time from July until now. I rode my bike.  I got car doored. I got sick.  I tried to figure out who I wanted to be as an athlete.

As part of the process of figuring out who I am as an athlete, I found that deep down, there is a black box of anger that I had hidden for most of my life.  I don't want to be angry.  But I was.  And sometimes I still am.  I tried to use that as a motivation. Sometimes it worked, but most of the time I didn't harness the anger properly and it backfired.  So going forward, I am going to choose love.  I choose to love my teammates.  I am going to choose to love riding my bike. It isn't an activity to punish myself with, but an activity to push my limits and appreciate what my body can do for me.

I'm sure there are days the hate will resurface.  But I am going to make a concerted effort to choose love.