Saturday, September 22, 2012

When you get beat by your own brain

I fight myself a lot.  I would be 99% more efficient if I would learn to let go.  The more I get into my own brain, the more problems I have.

I've been training relatively hard, given the fact that I broke my collarbone 10 weeks ago.  Last weekend we did a Gran Fondo.  Ouch.  But I felt good. I rode with people who don't know me, and I was able to keep up.  The beginning of the week was not so great. But by Wednesday the legs started to come around.  Thursday and Friday were OK.

Saturday I rode with my uncle.  He was hurt recently and hasn't ridden much and yet, he could have throttled me if he wanted.  On a climb that I've done hundreds of times - up to Pepperdine - I was pushing 200w (which is a LOT for me) and yet I was passed by people who just seemed to be soft pedaling up the hill. I get really frustrated when, even though I'm doing well for me, I still get creamed by others.

I want to be good. I want to be fast. I want to keep up with the able-bodied people.  I want to belong on the National Team and not be there by accident.  I want to do well.

I need to have realistic expectations.  I need to give myself credit when I do things well. I need to stop giving a fuck and just ride my damned bike.

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