Thursday, April 28, 2011
If you try anything, if you try to lose weight, or to improve yourself, or to love, or to make the world a better place, you have already achieved something wonderful, before you even begin. Forget failure. If things don't work out the way you want, hold your head up high and be proud. And try again. And again. And again!
The Long Bag We Drag Behind Us
What's in your bag and should it be there?
The Long Bad We Drag Behind Us
By Robert Bly
Let’s talk about the personal shadow first. When we were one or two years old we had what we might visualize as a 360-degree personality. Energy radiated out from all parts of our body and all parts of our psyche. A child running is a living globe of energy. We had a ball of energy, all right; but one day we noticed that our parents didn’t like certain parts of that ball. They said things like: “Can’t you be still?” Or “It isn’t nice to try and kill your brother.” Behind us we have an invisible bag, and the part of us our parents don’t like, we, to keep our parents’ love, put in the bag. By the time we go to school our bag is quite large.
Then our teachers have their say: “Good children don’t get angry over such little things.” So we take our anger and put it in the bag. By the time my brother and I were twelve in Madison, Minnesota we were known as “the nice Bly boys.” Our bags were already a mile long. Then we do a lot of bag-stuffing in high school. This time it’s no longer the evil grownups that pressure us, but people our own age. So the student’s paranoia about grownups can be misplaced. I lied all through high school automatically to try to be more like the basketball players. Any part of myself that was a little slow went into the bag.
My sons are going through the process now; I watched my daughters, who were older, experience it. I noticed with dismay how much they put into the bag, but there was nothing their mother or I could do about it. Often my daughters seemed to make their decision on the issue of fashion and collective ideas of beauty, and they suffered as much damage from other girls as they did from men.
So I maintain that out of a round globe of energy the twenty-year-old ends up with a slice.
We’ll imagine a man who has a thin slice left-the rest is in the bag-and we’ll imagine that he meets a woman; let’s say they are both twenty-four. She has a thin, elegant slice left. They join each other in a ceremony, and this union of two slices is called marriage. Even together the two do not make up one person! Marriage when the bag is large entails loneliness during the honeymoon for that very reason. Of course we all lie about it. “How is your honeymoon?” “Wonderful, how’s yours?”
Different cultures fill the bag with different contents. In Christian culture sexuality usually goes into the bag. With it goes much spontaneity. Marie Louise von Franz warns us, on the other hand, not to sentimentalize primitive cultures by assuming that they have no bag at all. She says in effect that they have a different but sometimes even larger bag. They may put individuality into the bag, or inventiveness. What anthropologists know as “participation mystique,” or “a mysterious communal mind,” sounds lovely, but it can mean that tribal members all know exactly the same thing and no one knows anything else. It’s possible that bags for all human beings are about the same size.
We spend our life until we’re twenty deciding what parts of ourselves to put into the bag, and we spend the rest of our lives trying to get them out again.
The Long Bad We Drag Behind Us
By Robert Bly
Let’s talk about the personal shadow first. When we were one or two years old we had what we might visualize as a 360-degree personality. Energy radiated out from all parts of our body and all parts of our psyche. A child running is a living globe of energy. We had a ball of energy, all right; but one day we noticed that our parents didn’t like certain parts of that ball. They said things like: “Can’t you be still?” Or “It isn’t nice to try and kill your brother.” Behind us we have an invisible bag, and the part of us our parents don’t like, we, to keep our parents’ love, put in the bag. By the time we go to school our bag is quite large.
Then our teachers have their say: “Good children don’t get angry over such little things.” So we take our anger and put it in the bag. By the time my brother and I were twelve in Madison, Minnesota we were known as “the nice Bly boys.” Our bags were already a mile long. Then we do a lot of bag-stuffing in high school. This time it’s no longer the evil grownups that pressure us, but people our own age. So the student’s paranoia about grownups can be misplaced. I lied all through high school automatically to try to be more like the basketball players. Any part of myself that was a little slow went into the bag.
My sons are going through the process now; I watched my daughters, who were older, experience it. I noticed with dismay how much they put into the bag, but there was nothing their mother or I could do about it. Often my daughters seemed to make their decision on the issue of fashion and collective ideas of beauty, and they suffered as much damage from other girls as they did from men.
So I maintain that out of a round globe of energy the twenty-year-old ends up with a slice.
We’ll imagine a man who has a thin slice left-the rest is in the bag-and we’ll imagine that he meets a woman; let’s say they are both twenty-four. She has a thin, elegant slice left. They join each other in a ceremony, and this union of two slices is called marriage. Even together the two do not make up one person! Marriage when the bag is large entails loneliness during the honeymoon for that very reason. Of course we all lie about it. “How is your honeymoon?” “Wonderful, how’s yours?”
Different cultures fill the bag with different contents. In Christian culture sexuality usually goes into the bag. With it goes much spontaneity. Marie Louise von Franz warns us, on the other hand, not to sentimentalize primitive cultures by assuming that they have no bag at all. She says in effect that they have a different but sometimes even larger bag. They may put individuality into the bag, or inventiveness. What anthropologists know as “participation mystique,” or “a mysterious communal mind,” sounds lovely, but it can mean that tribal members all know exactly the same thing and no one knows anything else. It’s possible that bags for all human beings are about the same size.
We spend our life until we’re twenty deciding what parts of ourselves to put into the bag, and we spend the rest of our lives trying to get them out again.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Today's Correspondence
From today's SM correspondence:
On Princess Di and Mother Theresa:
"I suppose. But I am still pissed on Mother Theresa's behalf. Message to world: help others for your entire life and give your life to The Lord (even though you don't feel His presence) --> no acknowledgement. On the other hand, dress pretty, give some of your time to charity, get caught doing something shady with a hotel mogul ---> insane amounts of coverage. Enough already! I'm pretty sure even Jesus is pissed about this insane lack of fairness in media coverage.
I did stay up all night to watch JPII's funeral. Man that guy was awesome. AND Polish. He rose above all Polish jokes and showed the Catholic heathens who is boss - the Poles!
On the ridiculosity that is the royal wedding:
I admit that it does give the masses something to distract themselves with. And I have heard ridiculous undertones of "a prince turning a normal girl into a princess." Great, just what we need. As if we don't have enough girls running around thinking they are going to be/are princesses. Then they are all disappointed because they are forced with the current production-possibility frontier curve of current day men in which we must choose between toolness and pussiness. Fabulous. Just great UK. Disney is probably paying them.
True. Harry is much hotter. He also possesses my signature attraction of red-hair. I'd do Harry. I'd wear costumes if he wanted. Sign me up!!!! William - balding and already looks 35. Kate. Eh, she's no beauty, but she's not fugly."
On Princess Di and Mother Theresa:
"I suppose. But I am still pissed on Mother Theresa's behalf. Message to world: help others for your entire life and give your life to The Lord (even though you don't feel His presence) --> no acknowledgement. On the other hand, dress pretty, give some of your time to charity, get caught doing something shady with a hotel mogul ---> insane amounts of coverage. Enough already! I'm pretty sure even Jesus is pissed about this insane lack of fairness in media coverage.
I did stay up all night to watch JPII's funeral. Man that guy was awesome. AND Polish. He rose above all Polish jokes and showed the Catholic heathens who is boss - the Poles!
On the ridiculosity that is the royal wedding:
I admit that it does give the masses something to distract themselves with. And I have heard ridiculous undertones of "a prince turning a normal girl into a princess." Great, just what we need. As if we don't have enough girls running around thinking they are going to be/are princesses. Then they are all disappointed because they are forced with the current production-possibility frontier curve of current day men in which we must choose between toolness and pussiness. Fabulous. Just great UK. Disney is probably paying them.
True. Harry is much hotter. He also possesses my signature attraction of red-hair. I'd do Harry. I'd wear costumes if he wanted. Sign me up!!!! William - balding and already looks 35. Kate. Eh, she's no beauty, but she's not fugly."
Monday, April 25, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
The Golden Egg Tournament
My grandmother's teeth
Today was the Golden Egg Tournament, held every Easter. My family meets to play mini-golf. I was the Biggest Loser with a score of 70. I would like to qualify that pathetic score with the fact that I rode my bike 80 miles yesterday and 55 miles this morning. My body could not perform another physical feat if I really wanted to. I am pleased that I gave Aunt Jewbutt the honor of best improved and her first year not being the Biggest Loser!
My team - no idea why my body is contorted
The Biggest Loser
The Winner (for the second time...I smell a cheater!). A new tradition was added this year and the winner of The Golden Egg Tournament must wear his (or her) crown to all family functions. Kenny is getting married this year.....hahahaha...
I am truly blessed to be a Nelson.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Good Friday
As we meditate on the Passion of Our Lord this Good Friday, we are struck by the incredible suffering Jesus humbly and obediently endured for our sake. After surviving hours of cruelty and torture, Christ hung in agony for three hours upon the cross. Nailed as He was, Jesus endured unspeakable pain each time He lifted His body up to speak. Yet He persevered until the end, teaching and reaching out with love.
Let us reflect upon the words spoken in today’s Gospel according to St. John:
“Woman, behold, your son…Behold, your mother.”
In perhaps one of the most moving displays of love, Jesus continues to think of others even as He is jeered by the crowd as he is slowly dying on the cross. Jesus looks out for the needs of His mother, making sure she is cared for after His death, and Our Lord looks out for our needs as well. Jesus makes His mother Our Blessed Mother, too. At that moment, we truly became her children and like any tender mother, Mary wants what is best for us. She knows what’s best is to tirelessly lead her children to her Son. If we accept her as our mother, Our Lady will do just that. She is our quickest path to Jesus! According to Saint Louis Marie de Montfort in his Total Consecration : “To go to Jesus, we must go to Mary; she is our Mediatrix of Intercession. To go to God the Father, we must go to Jesus; for he is our Mediator of Redemption.” (T.D. #86)
“I thirst.”
It can be assumed Jesus was parched from the hours of mistreatment. “Thirst is one of the great agonies of crucifixion,” writes Fr. Christopher Rengers, OFM Cap., in The Seven Last Words of Christ. (TAN Books and Publishers, 2002) “It was caused by the loss of blood, by fever and by general exhaustion. Thirst accompanies any long, drawn-out pain. It can become worse than the original pain that causes it.”
Yet Jesus thirsts for much more than water. St. Augustine says these words showed not only the Savior’s desire for drink, but even more a desire that his enemies might believe in Him and be saved. (The Seven Last Words, p. 50) As suggested by Fr. Rengers, each of us will have many opportunities to help save souls for Christ.
“If we really love Christ,” writes Fr. Rengers, “we will want the things that He wants. With our whole soul, we will seek to help in whatever way we can so that souls may be saved.” We can do this by our simple witness to faith, by showing the love of Christ to others in our words and actions. We do this quietly and without fanfare as we go about our everyday lives. Let us ponder the ways Our Lord might be calling us to witness and to help quench His undying thirst for souls.
“It is finished.”
As Jesus gave up His Spirit, He finished the mission given to Him by the Father. But for us, the mission is just beginning. It is up to us to ask the Holy Spirit to help us discern God’s will for us, and to do it.
“Each day we ought to pray with Christ,” continues Fr. Rengers. “‘Not my will, but thine be done.’ (Lk 22:42). We must be convinced that we are here to do God’s Will, to accomplish some special job. Our job may be easy or hard, but whatever it is, God will see us through.” (p. 71)
At the end of each day, and at the end of our earthly life, let us be able to look back on a job well done. As Fr. Rengers concludes, “Like Christ on the Cross we will be able to say: ‘It is consummated. I have done the work You gave me to do.’”
Diane Freeby, SMC ’88
Let us reflect upon the words spoken in today’s Gospel according to St. John:
“Woman, behold, your son…Behold, your mother.”
In perhaps one of the most moving displays of love, Jesus continues to think of others even as He is jeered by the crowd as he is slowly dying on the cross. Jesus looks out for the needs of His mother, making sure she is cared for after His death, and Our Lord looks out for our needs as well. Jesus makes His mother Our Blessed Mother, too. At that moment, we truly became her children and like any tender mother, Mary wants what is best for us. She knows what’s best is to tirelessly lead her children to her Son. If we accept her as our mother, Our Lady will do just that. She is our quickest path to Jesus! According to Saint Louis Marie de Montfort in his Total Consecration : “To go to Jesus, we must go to Mary; she is our Mediatrix of Intercession. To go to God the Father, we must go to Jesus; for he is our Mediator of Redemption.” (T.D. #86)
“I thirst.”
It can be assumed Jesus was parched from the hours of mistreatment. “Thirst is one of the great agonies of crucifixion,” writes Fr. Christopher Rengers, OFM Cap., in The Seven Last Words of Christ. (TAN Books and Publishers, 2002) “It was caused by the loss of blood, by fever and by general exhaustion. Thirst accompanies any long, drawn-out pain. It can become worse than the original pain that causes it.”
Yet Jesus thirsts for much more than water. St. Augustine says these words showed not only the Savior’s desire for drink, but even more a desire that his enemies might believe in Him and be saved. (The Seven Last Words, p. 50) As suggested by Fr. Rengers, each of us will have many opportunities to help save souls for Christ.
“If we really love Christ,” writes Fr. Rengers, “we will want the things that He wants. With our whole soul, we will seek to help in whatever way we can so that souls may be saved.” We can do this by our simple witness to faith, by showing the love of Christ to others in our words and actions. We do this quietly and without fanfare as we go about our everyday lives. Let us ponder the ways Our Lord might be calling us to witness and to help quench His undying thirst for souls.
“It is finished.”
As Jesus gave up His Spirit, He finished the mission given to Him by the Father. But for us, the mission is just beginning. It is up to us to ask the Holy Spirit to help us discern God’s will for us, and to do it.
“Each day we ought to pray with Christ,” continues Fr. Rengers. “‘Not my will, but thine be done.’ (Lk 22:42). We must be convinced that we are here to do God’s Will, to accomplish some special job. Our job may be easy or hard, but whatever it is, God will see us through.” (p. 71)
At the end of each day, and at the end of our earthly life, let us be able to look back on a job well done. As Fr. Rengers concludes, “Like Christ on the Cross we will be able to say: ‘It is consummated. I have done the work You gave me to do.’”
Diane Freeby, SMC ’88
Duh
Red heads can succeed at anything....except enduring pain. This would confirm my theory that a quarterback can be good only if he is also cute (negated by Big Ben and others....)
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Welcome to the NEW LAUP!
This post should be read while listening to ET by Katy Perry. You can imagine me singing and appropriately biting my bottom lip as all officially white people should. I am obsessed with that song.
I have been at my job now for six months. Slowly, my "true" personality is starting to emerge. I used to be the quiet data monkey in the corner. Now I'm the CRAZY lady in that they keep locked up in the corner.
Our boss wasn't coming in until 1pm today....so things were a little unruly in our office.
These kinds of things happen often - people taking pictures of themselves in outfits that are deemed cute!
I suggested that we have a dance party/contest and I could be the judge. But I wasn't allowed to take photos of this event.
The scrappy one is me, the "Adios" one is Jeanette. Our boss chose the mutt (?).
But these were contestants, as well...
Indeed, unlike men, chocolate will NEVER let you down. Especially chocolate with caramel!
True dat! Word to your motha!
Here is a typical day on my desk:
Highlights: Notre Dame license plate, Nalgene bottle, lotion, Mac Book (because work won't put Stata on my computer and I refuse to use the inferior SPSS). Please note that I try to keep my papers organized. SOMEONE comes in the night and messes up my desk!
See! I work! Open binders...email open, phone off hook, empty Diet Coke bottle, my favorite PINK calculator. The post-it note on the corner of my computer screen says:
1. Be Loving
2. Be Faithful
3. Be Patient
On the other side there is a note that says: "Nothing is hard, you just don't wanna do it. --Gramps"
My inspiration to keep working! Hooray!
1. A picture of my last class
2. A note from one of my favorite students (although at the time I almost killed her!) telling me I am her favorite teacher, all on the background of an interlocking ND (they knew me well!).
3. Picture of my cousins in Las Vegas
4. Sun Bowl photo
5. Quote: "People see God everday; they just don't recognize Him."
(from The Observer, back in the day)
6. Random other inspirational quotes
And of course: hair mousse, my LAUP coffee cup that I never use, the scarecrow from the Halloween cake pops (that I made in October, haven't taken the scarecrow home yet), Pink unicorn/horse from a Happy Meal.
And so there it is...slowly I will revolutionize the culture of LAUP. There hasn't been any banging on windows....yet.....
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
When God Closes a Door, He Opens a Window
I hate this saying. I also hate when people say, "Everything happens for a reason."
While reading "The Social Animal," David Brooks mentions research that people from the US and also more educated are more likely to believe to control their own destiny and life. He has a metaphor about clocks and clouds (from Jonah Lehrer, author of "How We Decide").
"Clocks are neat, orderly systems that can be defined and evaluate using reductive methodologies. You can take apart a clock, measure the pieces, and see how they fit together. Clouds are irregular, dynamic, and idiosyncratic. It's hard to study a cloud because they change from second to second. They can best be described through narrative, not numbers.
I don't want to believe this is right, but Richard Nesbitt said that "What nature hath joined together, multiple regression cannot put asunder."
He also notes that one of "the great temptations of socety is that it tries to pretend that every phenomenon is a clock which can be evaluated using mechanical tools and regular techniques.
I've been watching Friday Night Lights lately. In one episode Smash loses his scholarship to TMU....
Mom: Listen I know Whitmore isn't what you dream of. But honey, when a door closes, God opens a window. He ain't never fumbled the ball, he always gets the touchdown. That's God's plan."
And that's the key to remember, as much as we want to believe we can study and know and take apart the world, predict the future....in the end God has plans for us and he doesn't ever fumble. Things that seem like the end if the world now are God's way of closing down something that isn't right and opening us up to "better" opportunities.
Although I chose to close a door recently, God has already opened so many more opportunities to fill the void that I felt.
While reading "The Social Animal," David Brooks mentions research that people from the US and also more educated are more likely to believe to control their own destiny and life. He has a metaphor about clocks and clouds (from Jonah Lehrer, author of "How We Decide").
"Clocks are neat, orderly systems that can be defined and evaluate using reductive methodologies. You can take apart a clock, measure the pieces, and see how they fit together. Clouds are irregular, dynamic, and idiosyncratic. It's hard to study a cloud because they change from second to second. They can best be described through narrative, not numbers.
I don't want to believe this is right, but Richard Nesbitt said that "What nature hath joined together, multiple regression cannot put asunder."
He also notes that one of "the great temptations of socety is that it tries to pretend that every phenomenon is a clock which can be evaluated using mechanical tools and regular techniques.
I've been watching Friday Night Lights lately. In one episode Smash loses his scholarship to TMU....
Mom: Listen I know Whitmore isn't what you dream of. But honey, when a door closes, God opens a window. He ain't never fumbled the ball, he always gets the touchdown. That's God's plan."
And that's the key to remember, as much as we want to believe we can study and know and take apart the world, predict the future....in the end God has plans for us and he doesn't ever fumble. Things that seem like the end if the world now are God's way of closing down something that isn't right and opening us up to "better" opportunities.
Although I chose to close a door recently, God has already opened so many more opportunities to fill the void that I felt.
The Interactive Proust Questionnaire
I took the Proust Quiz today (while I should have been working). Take it here:
http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/proust-questionnaire
1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
A nap on a Sunday afternoon with the windows open and an ocean breeze coming through. Someone I love lying next to me.
2. What is your greatest fear?
Needles
3. Which historical figure do you identify with?
I don't know
4. Which living person do you admire most?
Father Hesburgh
5. What is the trait you deplore most in yourself?
My ego-centricism
6. What is the trait you deplore most in others?
Selfishness
7. What is your greatest extravagance?
My iPad
8. On what occasion do you lie?
When I feel threatened
9. What do you dislike most about your appearance?
My calves/legs
10. When and where were you happiest?
Summer in Austin, TX circa 2004
11. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
My antisocialness
12. If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
That we would all be able to see that everyone is trying their hardest given the circumstances in which we live
13. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Making it through two rounds of graduate school without debt
14. If you died and came back as a person or thing, what would it be?
One of my aunt's dogs
15. What is your most treasured possession?
My childhood bear, Beary
16. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Feeling abandoned, by God or humanity
17. Who are your heroes in real life?
Mother Theresa, Father Hesburgh, my grandfather, my mom and dad, anyone with strength and courage to see what lies ahead and makes decisions that will make them happy, people who give of themselves for the benefit of others
18. What is it that you most dislike?
Pain in my heart
19. How would you like to die?
In my sleep
20. What is your motto?
Just keep swimming....
Based upon my answers, the quiz tells me I am most like:
Nora Ephron 98.33%
and
Hugh Hefner 76.64%
http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/proust-questionnaire
1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
A nap on a Sunday afternoon with the windows open and an ocean breeze coming through. Someone I love lying next to me.
2. What is your greatest fear?
Needles
3. Which historical figure do you identify with?
I don't know
4. Which living person do you admire most?
Father Hesburgh
5. What is the trait you deplore most in yourself?
My ego-centricism
6. What is the trait you deplore most in others?
Selfishness
7. What is your greatest extravagance?
My iPad
8. On what occasion do you lie?
When I feel threatened
9. What do you dislike most about your appearance?
My calves/legs
10. When and where were you happiest?
Summer in Austin, TX circa 2004
11. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
My antisocialness
12. If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
That we would all be able to see that everyone is trying their hardest given the circumstances in which we live
13. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Making it through two rounds of graduate school without debt
14. If you died and came back as a person or thing, what would it be?
One of my aunt's dogs
15. What is your most treasured possession?
My childhood bear, Beary
16. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Feeling abandoned, by God or humanity
17. Who are your heroes in real life?
Mother Theresa, Father Hesburgh, my grandfather, my mom and dad, anyone with strength and courage to see what lies ahead and makes decisions that will make them happy, people who give of themselves for the benefit of others
18. What is it that you most dislike?
Pain in my heart
19. How would you like to die?
In my sleep
20. What is your motto?
Just keep swimming....
Based upon my answers, the quiz tells me I am most like:
Nora Ephron 98.33%
and
Hugh Hefner 76.64%
Monday, April 18, 2011
Gratitude
Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in yourself.
Today I am grateful for:
* being happy despite the world swirling around me
* my friends who surround me with care in many forms: texts, emails, sarcastic gchat banter, their love and their inside information. Thank you
* my family and the fact that I am blessed with such cool aunts and uncles and cousins; and especially my parents who are always there for me no matter what
* Mr. Grumpypants and his new found love of swimming/wading in the bathtub
* my job
* the experiences that my position in the world has afforded me, especially being able to travel
* Modern medicine
* my foot fan
* that I can enjoy living by myself but be surrounded with people when I choose
* my brain
* Stata and when it shows me green code and numbers that sync, instead of red code and error messages
* chocolate pudding, Cadbury eggs, grilled cheese sandwiches, my Mom's lasagna and ice cream
* Trader Joe's
* my bike
Today I am grateful for:
* being happy despite the world swirling around me
* my friends who surround me with care in many forms: texts, emails, sarcastic gchat banter, their love and their inside information. Thank you
* my family and the fact that I am blessed with such cool aunts and uncles and cousins; and especially my parents who are always there for me no matter what
* Mr. Grumpypants and his new found love of swimming/wading in the bathtub
* my job
* the experiences that my position in the world has afforded me, especially being able to travel
* Modern medicine
* my foot fan
* that I can enjoy living by myself but be surrounded with people when I choose
* my brain
* Stata and when it shows me green code and numbers that sync, instead of red code and error messages
* chocolate pudding, Cadbury eggs, grilled cheese sandwiches, my Mom's lasagna and ice cream
* Trader Joe's
* my bike
Happy Birthday to the BEST Dad Ever!
Poor guy - had no idea what he was getting himself into. He should have jumped ship while he could.
Notre Dame vs UCLA 2009
My dad is the unsung hero of our family. He is often lost in the chaos of living with three women. But you can always count on him. He will drive to west LA to help me get a new battery in my car at 5pm (a special kind of love since he had to take the 405) when I'm stuck in a parking lot. He can fix anything. And I mean anything. He has been known to drive me around in the middle of the night after surgery, with my cast hanging out of the car window because the only way my foot will stop hurting is through the vibrations of the car and the cool rush of air. In fact, he is often the only person who can calm my crazy foot pain. He always rubs my feet and after surgery he rubs my toes to distract my brain from the pain that isn't really pain. We share a love of ice cream and he will never say no to a quick trip to Dairy Queen, Thrify or McDonalds.
We won't mention the facts that he wears sandals with socks, back in the day a pocket protector, has an infinite supply of nerdy Ride for Kids tshirts and he's been know to sneak snacks (most likely jelly beans) while were are in pre-op and I haven't eaten in 24 hours! My dad is a class-A nerd. I'm still not really sure what his job is, even though I've asked.
My dad stands for respect and patience and love in my life. I hope that there will be a day that I can be with someone that is half the man that my dad is for me. I love you, Dad!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Submitted Without Comment
I sent the following email....please alert the nerd holding tank, one has escaped!
So I know you are going to be all zen and ish after your cultural fling with your foreign movies. But I am here to tell you that ALL IS NOT RIGHT WITH THE WORLD!!!!!!
I want to read The Great Gatsby so that I can keep it's literary form perfected in my head before Hollywood massacres it. Even though Leonardo DiCaprio and Toby McGuire are in it, I sense a debacle of epic proportions.
But the real rage is that I CAN'T FIND MY COPY! Who is the heartless person who has it? I know not!!!!!
And now for your comedic portion of the night....I got lost going to Literati Cafe this afternoon. Yes, I have lived on the Westside for almost three years. Why are Santa Monica Blvd. and Wilshire so hard to keep straight!?!?!?!
Happy Holy Week!!!!! Wait....does that start tomorrow or Monday? Man, I just lost $500 in the next Vespers round of Catholic Jeopardy!!!!!
--L
So I know you are going to be all zen and ish after your cultural fling with your foreign movies. But I am here to tell you that ALL IS NOT RIGHT WITH THE WORLD!!!!!!
I want to read The Great Gatsby so that I can keep it's literary form perfected in my head before Hollywood massacres it. Even though Leonardo DiCaprio and Toby McGuire are in it, I sense a debacle of epic proportions.
But the real rage is that I CAN'T FIND MY COPY! Who is the heartless person who has it? I know not!!!!!
And now for your comedic portion of the night....I got lost going to Literati Cafe this afternoon. Yes, I have lived on the Westside for almost three years. Why are Santa Monica Blvd. and Wilshire so hard to keep straight!?!?!?!
Happy Holy Week!!!!! Wait....does that start tomorrow or Monday? Man, I just lost $500 in the next Vespers round of Catholic Jeopardy!!!!!
--L
Friday, April 15, 2011
The End of an Era
Every TV show has a finale at the end of it's run on television. Tuesday was the end of an era in my life.
Someone pointed out that ultimately Cory and Topanga end up together even though Cory kissed Lauren (the horror!). But as Taylor Swift says:
"And we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me?
Yeah
And I don't know what to say since a twist of fate, cause it looks like we're going down.
And the story of us seems like a tragedy now.
The End."
Someone pointed out that ultimately Cory and Topanga end up together even though Cory kissed Lauren (the horror!). But as Taylor Swift says:
"And we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me?
Yeah
And I don't know what to say since a twist of fate, cause it looks like we're going down.
And the story of us seems like a tragedy now.
The End."
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Pain
"Sometimes what seems like surrender isn't surrender at all. It's about what's going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater."
-- Nicolas Evan, the Horse Whisperer
The past few months have been filled with a lot of pain. A lot of being honest with myself and with what is really going on in my life and my interactions with people around me. I don't like feeling hurt. I don't like feeling things that cause discomfort. For physical pain, there is a pill you can take that makes it all go away....but for the pain that resides in your heart, the only way to heal yourself from that pain is to let yourself feel it and be honest about it.
For so long, I chose not to see what was actually happening in my life. Choosing not to see that someone chooses someone else. Choosing not to see that life changes, people move on and we all grow and change. It was easier to hold so tightly to the world that I created and not see the world that I actually live in.
Often it's easy to pretend that our friendships are what we want them to be, when in fact they are falling apart. It is easy to pretend that we have the relationships we want, when in fact we don't. It's easy to believe we make the decisions that will make us ultimately happy, even if they inflict pain now, when in fact we don't.
Denial is not a river in Egypt.
Pain is how we grow. Pain is how our body heals. It's not always fun. When I look back at all of my surgeries, there was a lot of pain involved in each one. The pain of surgery is far greater (at least in my case) than the pain of living with whatever is "wrong" in your body. But part of our being created in the likeness of the Lord is that humans are able to see ahead, endure something that is more painful now for the benefit of feeling less pain in the future. To endure pain, sometimes, is necessary. And as you grow, the pain lessens and hopefully in the long run you will be be "better" and experience less pain.
Cohelo wrote in "The Alchemist:"
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."
-- Nicolas Evan, the Horse Whisperer
The past few months have been filled with a lot of pain. A lot of being honest with myself and with what is really going on in my life and my interactions with people around me. I don't like feeling hurt. I don't like feeling things that cause discomfort. For physical pain, there is a pill you can take that makes it all go away....but for the pain that resides in your heart, the only way to heal yourself from that pain is to let yourself feel it and be honest about it.
For so long, I chose not to see what was actually happening in my life. Choosing not to see that someone chooses someone else. Choosing not to see that life changes, people move on and we all grow and change. It was easier to hold so tightly to the world that I created and not see the world that I actually live in.
Often it's easy to pretend that our friendships are what we want them to be, when in fact they are falling apart. It is easy to pretend that we have the relationships we want, when in fact we don't. It's easy to believe we make the decisions that will make us ultimately happy, even if they inflict pain now, when in fact we don't.
Denial is not a river in Egypt.
Pain is how we grow. Pain is how our body heals. It's not always fun. When I look back at all of my surgeries, there was a lot of pain involved in each one. The pain of surgery is far greater (at least in my case) than the pain of living with whatever is "wrong" in your body. But part of our being created in the likeness of the Lord is that humans are able to see ahead, endure something that is more painful now for the benefit of feeling less pain in the future. To endure pain, sometimes, is necessary. And as you grow, the pain lessens and hopefully in the long run you will be be "better" and experience less pain.
Cohelo wrote in "The Alchemist:"
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
When I am alone...
The black hole of time that is NDNation:
When I was alone, I can close my eyes and feel the brittle wood of my square-foot on the bench, hear the trumpets and horns bellow from the corner of the endzone songs that I've known my whole life, sense the awe, admiration, and dedication to the sport and the legends who have come and gone and are still being made, and I can see the bright blue sky, the cheering masses, the flying flag, and the gleam that never shined brighter than when it came off of eleven golden helmets streaking down the field.
When I was alone, Notre Dame football was always with me.
When I was alone, I can close my eyes and feel the brittle wood of my square-foot on the bench, hear the trumpets and horns bellow from the corner of the endzone songs that I've known my whole life, sense the awe, admiration, and dedication to the sport and the legends who have come and gone and are still being made, and I can see the bright blue sky, the cheering masses, the flying flag, and the gleam that never shined brighter than when it came off of eleven golden helmets streaking down the field.
When I was alone, Notre Dame football was always with me.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Irish06
The past few weeks have been difficult. I feel lost most of the time.
I have this silly habit that I started when I took the LSAT. Whenever I see anything with Notre Dame on it, I take it as a reminder that God is here, he does love me and he will never leave me.
This afternoon, after another not so fun day at work I drove home. As I got off the ten I was almost on the brink of tears (for many reasons, but largely hormonal). I turned off the freeway onto 4th St. and saw that the car in front of me had a personalized license plate that said Irish06 and a Notre Dame alumni frame. I needed to see that at that moment. And it happens a lot just at the time that I need it. One day I was struggling with something and I went for a walk. As I walked through downtown I saw three different people wearing something with Notre Dame on it. On my first day of work I was early and so I went to Starbucks, as I left, the girl who opened the door for me had on a Notre Dame sweatshirt.
I know it's silly. And I know tht God is always there and that he always loves me, whether I see eight million people in Notre Dme clothing or none at all. But sometimes it helps to have that little reminder.
Faith is Where Your Ass Is
Warning: random thoughts ahead:
Faith is not where your head is. Faith is not where your heart is. Faith is where your ass is. You have to show up. I haven't done a very good job of showing up lately. Even if my heart isn't there, I need to show up.
Sometimes, you don't know what to believe in. Our head tells us what we think is wise to do. Our heart tells us what we'd like to do. Another part - our soul, our gut, our conscience - that tells you what you have to do.
Why do we stay when we don't want to, or leave when we don't want to - because it's right. Sometimes we make decisions because long range, this will bring us life.
If someone comes up to you and asks, "Are you happy in your life?" It's not a good question. It's a question to torture yourself. Are you happy in your relationship? Are you happy in your career? It's hard to answer yes because it's the wrong question, it asks a different question than the one we need to answer. The "good" question is, "Is there meaning in your life?" Is there meaning in raising children? Is there meaning in going to church? Is there meaning in making the right choice when you want to make the wrong one? Is there meaning in your career?
Imagine Jesus on the cross - and if someone came up to him and asked, "Are you happy up there?" Then most likely the answer would be "no." But if someone asked if there was meaning in him being up there, then yes, there was more meaning than we can perceive or understand.
If we go back to the "Dark Night of the Soul," that I talked about with Mother Theresa...then we see that sometimes her heart wasn't in it, her head wasn't in it, but SHE was in it.
There is a place where we don't think, we don't feel, we just KNOW. Father Rolheiser calls our moral center. How do we get in touch with that place when we've lost it. Show up. Pray.
Faith is not where your head is. Faith is not where your heart is. Faith is where your ass is. You have to show up. I haven't done a very good job of showing up lately. Even if my heart isn't there, I need to show up.
Sometimes, you don't know what to believe in. Our head tells us what we think is wise to do. Our heart tells us what we'd like to do. Another part - our soul, our gut, our conscience - that tells you what you have to do.
Why do we stay when we don't want to, or leave when we don't want to - because it's right. Sometimes we make decisions because long range, this will bring us life.
If someone comes up to you and asks, "Are you happy in your life?" It's not a good question. It's a question to torture yourself. Are you happy in your relationship? Are you happy in your career? It's hard to answer yes because it's the wrong question, it asks a different question than the one we need to answer. The "good" question is, "Is there meaning in your life?" Is there meaning in raising children? Is there meaning in going to church? Is there meaning in making the right choice when you want to make the wrong one? Is there meaning in your career?
Imagine Jesus on the cross - and if someone came up to him and asked, "Are you happy up there?" Then most likely the answer would be "no." But if someone asked if there was meaning in him being up there, then yes, there was more meaning than we can perceive or understand.
If we go back to the "Dark Night of the Soul," that I talked about with Mother Theresa...then we see that sometimes her heart wasn't in it, her head wasn't in it, but SHE was in it.
There is a place where we don't think, we don't feel, we just KNOW. Father Rolheiser calls our moral center. How do we get in touch with that place when we've lost it. Show up. Pray.
Friday, April 8, 2011
My favorite movie of all time
Favorite all time scene...
But I like this one too.
OK...closely followed by this scene:
I'm just gonna go watch the whole movie.
Boo Friday
I wanted a hamburger (I've wanted one all week), but it's Friday, so I can't eat meat.
So I ate this instead:
So far today (as of 1pm) I have:
* gotten in a yelling fight over survey questions with Berkeley
* lost an entire data set
* spent four hours trying to figure out how to execute one command
* tortured myself via Facebook
* eaten ice cream and a Baby Ruth bar
Time for the weekend?
So I ate this instead:
Also...how does my desk get so messy?
So far today (as of 1pm) I have:
* gotten in a yelling fight over survey questions with Berkeley
* lost an entire data set
* spent four hours trying to figure out how to execute one command
* tortured myself via Facebook
* eaten ice cream and a Baby Ruth bar
Time for the weekend?
Thursday, April 7, 2011
A Very LA Day
Despite my lamentations that I am not a very good Angelino....somedays I am horrified by my Angelinoness.
I woke up to my alarm/iPhone.
I rolled over and checked the New York Times, the weather and the traffic to see how long it would take me to get to work.
I got into my Prius.
I drove from the West Side to Downtown, because really NO ONE wants to actually live in downtown!!!
Yup...that's my actual building (but I didn't take the photo).
For lunch, we walked down Figueroa St. to the Gourmet food trucks. I debated about whether I should have an organic salad or a Kobe Beef burger (of course, from a cow that was free range raised and grass fed!).
After work, I waited in massive traffic to get on the 10 west to drive home.
But the good news about sitting in traffic is that I got to sit and look at the Hollywood sign for quite some time (through the smog).
Finally, after passing the 405 the traffic opened up and we all felt free to drive at least 80 miles and hour, because if you can - you should.
To quench the rage that filled my insides from battling the poor drivers, I went to a fancy spinning studio in Brentwood. We all hopped on our outrageously technologically advanced spinning bikes and pedaled to live music on the unneccessarily large screen TV, while the instructor flipped through songs on Apple TV.
Having tortured myself in a stationary manner, I climbed off my bike, threw on my overpriced Lululemon fleece and headed to Whole Foods.
While perusing the foods in the Prepared Food Bar at WF, I spotted Joel McHale (of The Soup fame).
After selecting some organic quinoa, falafel and some free range chicken, I headed to the checkout line to pay $7.99 a pound for my meal. Quality vs. quantity, right? The other things I picked up (organic low fat sour cream, whole wheat pasta, local organic vegetables and gluten free cereal) were all nicely packed into my reusable bags.
One of my favorite parts of my day, is when I am driving down Pico (on my way home). At a certain point, you reach the crest of a hill and as you descend, you see the beach. It is always beautiful and reminds me of exactly how lucky I am to live in Santa Monica.
Since I don't have cable, after I showered (with organic, non-chemical soap from Trader Joe's), I sat down to read before I went to bed. On the docket: The Huffington Post, The Atlantic, The Economist and "The Social Animal" by David Brooks. Somewhat coincidentally, I happened upon David Brooks while reading his book "Bobos in Paradise."
And then I blogged about it.
I am ashamed.
I woke up to my alarm/iPhone.
I rolled over and checked the New York Times, the weather and the traffic to see how long it would take me to get to work.
I got into my Prius.
Yup...that's my actual building (but I didn't take the photo).
After work, I waited in massive traffic to get on the 10 west to drive home.
But the good news about sitting in traffic is that I got to sit and look at the Hollywood sign for quite some time (through the smog).
Finally, after passing the 405 the traffic opened up and we all felt free to drive at least 80 miles and hour, because if you can - you should.
To quench the rage that filled my insides from battling the poor drivers, I went to a fancy spinning studio in Brentwood. We all hopped on our outrageously technologically advanced spinning bikes and pedaled to live music on the unneccessarily large screen TV, while the instructor flipped through songs on Apple TV.
Having tortured myself in a stationary manner, I climbed off my bike, threw on my overpriced Lululemon fleece and headed to Whole Foods.
While perusing the foods in the Prepared Food Bar at WF, I spotted Joel McHale (of The Soup fame).
One of my favorite parts of my day, is when I am driving down Pico (on my way home). At a certain point, you reach the crest of a hill and as you descend, you see the beach. It is always beautiful and reminds me of exactly how lucky I am to live in Santa Monica.
And then I blogged about it.
I am ashamed.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Moving on, growing up....
"Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young."
I feel very lucky to have friends from many eras of my life. This past weekend I spent with my best friend from graduate school. My life has stayed relatively the same. I still live in the same general area, my family is close, my friends are still the same, I still do the same activities. But her life has radically changed - probably for the better. She moved across the country, she has new friends, this is her first time being an "adult" (and by that I mean she has a job, rather than going to school) and she lives far from her family.
Although she is seven years younger than me, somehow she is a grown up. They go to dinner parties with elaborate menus. They have a couples/work softball team. Most of the discussions revolve around gardening, couple activities, home decorating, and their dogs (predecessors to future children). It was all very strange because nearly every person was younger than me - but the content of their lives was so radically different.
I'm not sure what I want. On one hand, I want to do those grown up things. I finally realized a few months ago, that I'm ready to come to the same person. In no way do I want to give up my independence, but I'm more willing to bend and I want to make someone else happy - rather than just myself. But I never want to lose the "fun" part of being a kid/teenager. I never want to stop giggling when we pass the sign that says "Cumming" on the freeway.
As important as it is to hang on to the people from your past, it is also important to remember that those people are changing and thus your relationship will also change. Some people may need to be let go because your lives don't mesh anymore; but I think those cases are rare.
I feel very lucky to have friends from many eras of my life. This past weekend I spent with my best friend from graduate school. My life has stayed relatively the same. I still live in the same general area, my family is close, my friends are still the same, I still do the same activities. But her life has radically changed - probably for the better. She moved across the country, she has new friends, this is her first time being an "adult" (and by that I mean she has a job, rather than going to school) and she lives far from her family.
Although she is seven years younger than me, somehow she is a grown up. They go to dinner parties with elaborate menus. They have a couples/work softball team. Most of the discussions revolve around gardening, couple activities, home decorating, and their dogs (predecessors to future children). It was all very strange because nearly every person was younger than me - but the content of their lives was so radically different.
I'm not sure what I want. On one hand, I want to do those grown up things. I finally realized a few months ago, that I'm ready to come to the same person. In no way do I want to give up my independence, but I'm more willing to bend and I want to make someone else happy - rather than just myself. But I never want to lose the "fun" part of being a kid/teenager. I never want to stop giggling when we pass the sign that says "Cumming" on the freeway.
As important as it is to hang on to the people from your past, it is also important to remember that those people are changing and thus your relationship will also change. Some people may need to be let go because your lives don't mesh anymore; but I think those cases are rare.
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